Undercover angel

So it suddenly occurred to me that I may have been spending too much time in a huddle.  Perhaps that’s what’s making me suddenly weak in the knees.  I’m not really that social, after all.  Oh yes, I enjoy my friends – hugely, mind you – but we tend to get together in delineated doses.  For sporadic adventures that are time limited.  We know when enough is enough and we all go home to our separate, largely tranquil domiciles (not those currently raising children, granted, but you all should have started earlier like me.)

I just recognized that I have been conducting my life amid a cacophony of other people’s noise – wending my way through their random thoughts, spontaneous opinions, toxic complaints, silly exuberance, and fill-in-the-blank musings.   I’m not used to it.  For the last eighteen months I’ve been largely alone or with one other being at most (Zoe and Mike alternating as my sidekick, depending on the hour of the day.)  I haven’t had to make small talk or be accommodating or smile for no reason in particular in a long time. It’s tiring.  On top of all the other challenges presenting themselves for attention at my doorstep.

For the last few days I’ve been bowing out.  Going home instead of hanging out, skipping the mentor picnic today, bailing on the US Chambers of Commerce All American BBQ tomorrow.  I just don’t feel like chumming up with more Americans.  Time to meet Moldvenii.  Become part of a new culture. Lose my all-too-American identity.  I want the culture and the differentness to wash over and engulf me.  I didn’t come here intending to bring the US with me.

Assimilating a new identity and taking on a new mission soon…